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The Dangers of Sexual Repression

Sexual energy is the pure Life-giving energy of God in our bodies. It is utterly good and when experienced purely is discovered to be playful and joyful by nature. But that is not all: it is capable of carrying us into the most sublime feelings possible to know in these bodies when it is allowed to open us to the highest and deepest levels of our beings.

Sacred sex is wholeness: It is experienced when pure spirit flows in and through pure sexual energies, uniting Divine Love with human passion. Sex softens us. Sex stirs us awake. Sex opens us. Sex urges us on, to go deeper, to ascend higher, to not stop with bodily sensation alone, but to pass through body into pure Spirit, pure innocent awareness of Being, even into the infinite Source within and around us: even into union with God as the highest beauty. This is sex’s true potential. It is intrinsic to its design.


What happens when we repress this irrepressible Life force? Whatever we repress we twist into a negative. Through fearful repression we intensify our fears and distort the true nature of our urge to be wide open. Our powerful sexual nature colors our entire soul life from the dramatic arts to our most intimate relating. When we religiously repress our God-given Life-force we create huge confusion. To put fear created taboos on sexual energy and thus express it as something dangerous and wrong outside of publicly sanctioned marriage is to condemn sexually active young people and single adults to second-class spiritual citizenship. Many people who are more free spirited reject this kind of negative and unimaginative moralizing and turn away from religion while those who stay with it often end up frustrated and negative.


A huge social problem has been created through Western religion's failure to create a sacred way through sex for without the ability to connect sexual energy to our total selves a shadow of selfishness darkens it and allows predatory instincts to demean and abuse precious souls. The multi-billion dollar pornographic industry is in a real way the direct result of religion’s failure to develop sacred sexuality in the West. There is moralistic repression on one hand, and selfish exploitation on the other in the typical dualistic patterns of conflict and those who suffer the most are young free spirited people who have an instinct to be whole and enjoy life fully. We need a third way — now! We are 2,000 years late in the development of it. There is not more time to wait!


And what would this third way look like? We can learn a lot from the Native America Quodoushka tradition that starts preparing children for their sexual awakening way before it starts unfolding. We have been deathly afraid of exposing our children to sexual reality because we are so out of balance. We have so many touch starved, lonely people in our societies, and a certain percent of them become so out of balance and desperate that they commit sexual crimes. This creates great social fear which creates repression which creates more lonely, touch starved people and around and around it goes.


We don’t want anyone to starve for food: but if we treated the soul with the same respect as the body we would put equal emphasis on no one being touch starved, knowing the huge social problems that inevitably arise from it. We might give special schooling grants as an incentive to study massage so there are more people working in this much needed field. And we could have social programs for the poor so they too can afford weekly massages. I mean this seriously, for when people are regularly soothed and softened by loving touch crime rates dramatically drop. Children should grow up with lots of touch, including massage: and a much more imaginative and holistic sexual education should start in the homes at an earlier age so sex is understood to be wholly natural and beautiful, something for them to look forward to when nature awakens them.


Some people will say this is dangerous, that children will start thinking of sex all the time if you make them aware of it too early. People only obsess about what is repressed, not what is natural and in balance. For example, if a child grows up going to naturalistic camps every summer and sees naked people playing and being relaxed around each other, they will not obsess about nudity and have a compulsion to peek at Playboy magazines as they grow up. And when they start to feel sexual ecstasy, if their parents have told them about this stage of growth in very natural terms, they will feel free to share their awakening and the entire family can celebrate it as a real birthday into a whole new stage of life, thus healing the unnatural and painful schism that takes place for many adolescents with their sexual awakening.


And if they have been taught that playing with themselves is just that, play, and is very normal and healthy, they will experiment with sexual ecstasy without guilt and be able to talk about it with family members which further naturalizes and balances it. I believe that if our societies were really healthy that parents could choose to take their sexually awakening child to sacred sexual temples where highly skilled guides would teach them how to connect their sexual energies to their hearts and spirit and how to thus ride sexual energy into higher states of integration and awareness, even into God. (See Story) What a beautiful thing for young people, and what a beautiful outlet for people who feel called to be sexual workers. And in this context of the sacred beauty of the body and sex true morality would make perfect sense, meaning respect for other human souls, respect for the mystery and beauty of each being, never trying to manipulate and selfishly use others.


But what about the sexual exploration of young people with each other? Isn't it wrong? If sex was normalized and reconnected to the deepest, most innocent part of ourselves through sexual initiation, sexual exploration between young people would not be made into a negative thing. Don’t we know it is inevitable? Young people have massive amounts of sexual energy flowing through their bodies. What do we expect? Nature designed them just this way. So let’s teach them the caution and respect that should always guide them: in other words, wisdom. If they clearly realize that pregnancy is always a possibility and they need to take that very, very seriously as it is a dramatic life-altering event, and they were given many other ways to enjoy each other short of full union, perhaps they would explore sex in a much healthier way.

We have very rigid and limited patterns for social development inherited from Bronze and Iron Age tribal societies based on family alliances and prideful honor structures. People are attracted to each other: are either platonic friendships or marriage the only two possibilities? We now know from lots of experience that relationships are not so black and white. Many times we are drawn together to become conscious of destructive patterns in our psyche, or to develop and celebrate positive potentials, or out of purely sexual chemistry… but we discover after a while there is not the entire package that would make us want to commit ourselves to each other for life. So, lets honor the soul by allowing for more diverse patterns of relationship based on mutual learning and soul enrichment. Let’s expand.

Single people may come together for short periods of intense interaction and energy exchanges until something balances in each person. Then they may part. This may include sexual intimacy which is one of the strongest forms of energetic exchange. But what about the bonding that takes place? Some people teach that this is diminishes our lives because the more people you have bonded with the less you are capable of bonding with one person for life. What if this just isn’t true? What if the breadth of experience is a richness? What if we accepted the other people in our partner’s past experience not as threats to us in a possessive and jealous way, but as adding to the soul depth and breadth of the person we love?


But if we allow ourselves to get so intimately close to someone and it doesn't work out, what about the grief? It can really, really hurt to lose a loving relationship. Shouldn't we protect ourselves and those we love from such painful experiences? I know there is a deep instinct to protect our children from life's painful losses and disappointments, but this is not possible. Loss is one of the two great realities of our mortal lives: the other is Love. We cannot protect our children from the very lessons we came into this world to learn. All we love we will eventually lose, so to become matured by the experiences of Love opening us, selfishness wounding us, and the inevitabilities of disappointment and loss is the very process we must embrace, not try to hide from.

I know this perspective on sex and relationships can bring up many fears as well as sincere concerns and questions — and this is good. Let’s open up and explore these things. Let's ask the tough questions without fear. The patterns we have been living have created tragic and unnecessary adolescent alienation, huge shadows of morbid guilt, uncontrolled lust, degrading attitudes towards all sex workers, and a pornographic industry that debases and hardens sensitive, beautiful souls. I can say this will total assurance — we need to seriously question everything now and by God's grace find new, mature and sane patterns for the future that bring true health and wholeness to mankind.

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