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What is Sacred Sex?

The word sacred is often used only in regards to religion, but it is a very wondrous quality that comes out of the Universe itself. What is sacred is connected to the Divine. What I mean by Divine is the highest beauty and deepest meaning there is for us to experience. It is boundless, unconditional Love being the infinite Ocean of all we call Love. It is eternal stillness, the crystal clear state our heart alone can taste. It is the Light of Life that when experienced nakedly and allowed to shine clearly from our eyes makes us beautiful. It is the ultimate unity and harmony of existence itself.

Sacred sex then is sex brought home, purified of all dark “riders” we have connected to it, all the twisted ways and drives of isolated egoism and realized afresh in its true energetic essence. And that essence is clean and life invigorating, joyous and free.

Sex is our base spiritual center. Please review the spiritual centers page if you need clarity about this. Sexual energy is foundational to our well being. We are both spiritual and sexual beings while in these bodies. It is so very beautiful to discover that reconnected to the Divine both natures exhibit the same qualities.

Sex opens us. Spirit opens us.
Sex is pure ecstasy. Spirit is pure freedom and bliss.
Sex moves, builds, guides, teaches, reveals, and fulfills according to its own nature when we follow it freely. Spirit inspires, guides and teaches us, reveals new ways of seeing, liberates us and fulfills its own free nature when we follow it freely.
Sex softens us and makes us beautiful. Spirit softens our inner nature and makes us radiantly beautiful.
The highest fulfillment of sex is found in total engagement which can only happen in Love. The highest fulfillment of Spirit if found in complete union which is the purest form of Love.

The East has many forms of Tantra which many people equate merely with sex but is actually about spiritual wholeness and total union with the Divine. There is a Taoist form as well as Hindu and Buddhist forms. Each is clothed with its cultural imagery, its traditional rules, postures, etc. These ancient expressions are interesting to explore and may work beautifully for you, but my sense is that the Western soul needs Western expressions to open it completely. We need to develop a uniquely Western Sacred Sexuality that harmonizes with Life’s great energies and yet allows lots of spontaneous freedom, improvisation and personal expression.

This is because in the West we are more free flowing and innovative. We have been raised this way. It is in us. We value individual exploration and experience. And we inherited a deep respect for each unique soul.

In this model, there are actually no rules for sacred sex, just some essential guiding principles that open us. Here are a few, key principles, and then, in the spirit of the West, freely explore and create your own unique expressions.


1. Create a safe, and beautiful atmosphere: clean and uncluttered with candles, flowers, music, fragrances, etc.

2. Be fully here in this unfolding moment. Take time to clear the concerns of the day away. Write them down if that helps so you don’t have to think about them now. They are there on the list waiting for later.

3. Direct your attention into your body fully. Move away from the abstractions and symbols of the mind to the sensual reality of the body.
4. Connect fully with your partner. Allow the unfolding experience to carry you beyond ego limits and all selfish ways of being so you can fully feel them. Tune in, open up. This is Love.
5. Have a clear intention to bring joy and beauty to your partner. This opens you both. Real kindness is always magical. Show your care.

6. Communicate very openly. Be utterly honest. Let go of ego created manipulative games and anxieties. Simply ask what pleases your partner and let them know what pleases you. Pray together by pouring your wishes into the silence for this wishing connects you very deeply and allows your hearts to speak openly and freely. Ask the Divine to come through. Allow the magic of sacredness to happen.

7. Slow way down. Follow your bodies energetic unfolding. Don’t rush or force things. Think of how the sun opens a flower. Love is the sun and your bodies are flowers opening. The unfolding of Life is way beyond ego. Flow with that.

8. Let the woman lead: not necessarily all the time, but when the man becomes very sensitive and present to the woman it frees her and the magic of the feminine which is in harmony with the deeper soul in us all happens.

9. Always go deeper: let this be your mantra and your guide. Enjoy everything and keep moving through it. In the end it is our sense of the limitless, the eternal, the infinite that is our highest state of rapturous union and fulfillment.
10. Feel the male fully. Let it be. And feel the feminine fully. Let it be. Then watch for that magical moment when male and female energies ecstatically unite into something beyond them both. This is the Tree of Life beyond all dualities. This is God.

You can trust that there are energies, natures, and very wise beings that will open and unfold your awareness through this process if your intention is for Love. You will learn so much.

Don’t be discouraged by blocks and emotional discolorations in you. This is normal. We grow from blocked and twisted to open and clear. This is our human journey. Allow sex and spirit to work through your love-making to open you and show you your way into Pure Being and the freedom of God, step by beautiful step.

There are more resources for personal growth and freedom in this Sex and Spirit Healing Section, the Visions and on the Inner Healing Web Site. Joy to you!

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